I can only teach others from lessons in my life. For many years I wrecked my life. To others it looked wonderful. I knew how to camouflage it beautifully. Many believed that my head was on straight and I knew my way perfectly. The truth was I was a pure mess! Every decision I made was based on fear and in return caused great heartache. I had to be in control. I could not accept any position short of leader. Again, I was a mess!
It turns out I was my greatest enemy. Yes, Satan played a roll in my mess, but ultimately I was the ringleader. I broke hearts (including my own), I shattered spirits and I used sex as a weapon. I literally believed that sex equaled love!
I was completely broken wide open in 2010, but the cracks started formulating back in 2004. God was very patient with me. I must stress the importance of His patience. At any time Jesus could have said "No way! I refuse to die for her!" But in spite of my bad choices and my collage of sins he walked to that cross, tired and abused. He spread his hands and allowed nails to be driven into his flesh. He did that for me, in spite of myself.
Recently in prayer I wondered why and what I heard opened me in the sweetest way. God said, "I love you Tabitha and I have been here with you from the beginning. I waited on you because in my heart you are worth it. I have great plans for you and now you are ready to fulfill them."
If you think God is absent from your life think again. He's there speaking to our hearts daily. It's up to us to hear him. He never forces himself upon anyone. Although in my case I wish he had long ago. No matter what bad decisions you made, and no matter what sin you've committed God is waiting on you to call on Him. He's not waiting on the sidelines to point a finger at you or to shout I-told-you-so. No he's waiting to wrap you in His love, fill you with His Holy Spirit and guide you through the rest of your life in joy and in peace.
All you have to do is whisper His name.