If you are a new reader I welcome you. If you are a new reader, then you may not know that in 2007 I started seriously seeking God and in 2008 He showed up and commanded my full attention. Since then I have been blissfully walking with Him. That was until someone I love broke my heart. For the past two months I have been battling my flesh. My spirit being wants to go through each day in complete bliss and forget everything that happened. But my flesh, oh my flesh wishes to torment me. My mind wanders back to the very moment the pain began and my heart and body are once again riddled with pain.
Saturday night I prayed. I asked God to take my thoughts and emotions and hold them captive. I asked him to save me from myself. I have already forgiven the one who hurt me, so I truly need and want to move forward. I asked him to speak to me, to show me how to do this and I would obey his words. Sunday morning came and after praying the Our Father and thanking Him for a new day I went to my desk to watch Joel Osteen as I do every Sunday. Joel's sermon was on not making little things into big things, but the part of his sermon which knocked me out of my chair and left me breathless (literally) was when he said "We must give the person a chance to become who God intends for them to be." For two months now I have been saying to God "I wish for ____ to be who YOU wish them to be, but secretly I wanted ___ to hurry up and be who I needed them to be. I was SO wrong!
I learned that as long as life was smooth I was blissful, but the moment things got dicey I fell apart. How can I say I'm fully walking in God when I am STILL not fully trusting in Him? And so, on Sunday morning ___ and I had a long talk. Then I talked to God and asked him to please guide me. I know He won't give up on me, so I shouldn't give up on myself. I need to walk forward and leave the past where it is, because the past holds pain, disappointment and distress. God only walks straight ahead. He never looks back and so on Sunday I once again surrendered myself to God's will. Instantly I felt renewed in his presence! Growing with God is a minute by minute - day by day process. One that I refuse to give up on. If I have to surrender to Him every morning (which I will) to find my way I most certainly will do so. So, this new transformation has yet again taken a new twist and I am grateful and eager to see where He takes me.
More To Come!!
I am in a similar place right now. I know I trust, but the pain can become too overwhelming. I think it's why we are here, to let the trust grow, blossom in to something beautiful that not even fear can wither. Take care.
ReplyDeleteTabitha I so admire you and admire how strong your faith is. Growing by God is a day by day process. Your right he won't give up on you, just as he has not given up on me. You are a wonderful person, I am sorry you were hurt...what is that saying, I do not pray for an easy life, I pray to be a strong person. Don't be too hard on you, God loves you. take care my friend.
ReplyDeleteOur paths are anything but smooth, and you are right, we have to walk forward anyway, though it's hard to do so. It's a struggle, but if I were a bettin' gal, I would bet my bottom dollar that you'll continue this transformation and keep moving onwards with the sun on your face!!!
ReplyDeleteI am choosing bliss, today, too!
ReplyDeleteHugs, blessings, and prayers,
andrea
Tabitha,
ReplyDeleteWhat a great post to write about today, because so many are waiting on a person to change into what we envision for them not what God has planned. Well said! and one that so desperately needed to be heard.
Love and Hugs ~ Kat