I can only teach others from
lessons in my life. For many years I
wrecked my life. To others it looked
wonderful. I knew how to camouflage it
beautifully. Many believed that my head
was on straight and I knew my way perfectly.
The truth was I was a pure mess!
Every decision I made was based on fear and in return caused great
heartache. I had to be in control. I could not accept any position short of
leader. Again, I was a mess!
It turns out I was my greatest
enemy. Yes, Satan played a roll in my
mess, but ultimately I was the ringleader.
I broke hearts (including my own), I shattered spirits and I used sex as
a weapon. I literally believed that sex
equaled love!
I was completely broken wide open
in 2010, but the cracks started formulating back in 2004. God was very patient with me. I must stress the importance of His
patience. At any time Jesus could have
said "No way! I refuse to die for
her!" But in spite of my bad
choices and my collage of sins he walked to that cross, tired and abused. He spread his hands and allowed nails to be
driven into his flesh. He did that for
me, in spite of myself.
Recently in prayer I wondered
why and what I heard opened me in the sweetest way. God said, "I love you Tabitha and I have been here with you
from the beginning. I waited on you
because in my heart you are worth it. I
have great plans for you and now you are ready to fulfill them."
If you think God is absent from
your life think again. He's there
speaking to our hearts daily. It's up
to us to hear him. He never forces
himself upon anyone. Although in my
case I wish he had long ago. No matter
what bad decisions you made, and no matter what sin you've committed God is
waiting on you to call on Him. He's not
waiting on the sidelines to point a finger at you or to shout
I-told-you-so. No he's waiting to wrap
you in His love, fill you with His Holy Spirit and guide you through the rest
of your life in joy and in peace.
All you have to do is whisper
His name.
